Why do people make a fuss over child support?
Posted on Jun 28, 2009 under Time Share Resales |
I know if I left my husband and kept our children I would get $150 maybe $200 a month that is 25% of his income. That is not a enough to pay childcare or electric and water bill. People complain all the time about child support. Some women get pregnant just to get child support. I think child support should calculate the child’s share of water, electric, gas, rent (or if you buy a house it should be a smaller portion because it is cheaper to buy than rent) half of the clothing (clothing does not have to be name brand) and half of the food the child eats.
Honestly I feel that it should be joint custody where one parents has the child for one week than switch or two weeks than switch or a month than switch up to 6 months than switch with the 6 month switching I think that should only take place if the parents move farther away from each other like out of state.
People need to understand what the basics of life are electric, water, phone, rent, food, and clothes. If the custody parents has to buy a pair of jeans for $200 that is unreasonably especially since you can buy jeans at walmart or resale shops for a lot cheaper. People need to choice what is important and how to live within their means.
What is your opinion on the subject?
kisses come in five
you are right I did forget childcare. I guess because me and my husband do opposite shifts. I work during the day five days a week he works over night 3 to 4 nights a week. I am really good at budgetting and my kids do get hand me downs from their friends. My kids are still very young and I would want them to always know both of their parents even if that meant co-living with their father when the feelings aren't there. My profile tells you more about me.
I have seen how my mother spent child support money, it was on drugs not on us. I guess that are were my feelings come from seeing how an unfit mother spent money.
Most the time when i see a child suport question here on answers the problem actually stems from the person that has custody of the child being unable to support themselves even if they didn’t have the child. Child support has become the means by which they support themselves not just the child.
Just think about it if your making $10/hr and working 40 hrs a week that means after taxes and such it comes to about $1100/month take home. Most 2 bedroom apartments these days are going from $500-$750/month (that’s assuming a half way decent area to live in), figure between gas and electric and cable $300 month.. So let’s say $800/month just for rent and utilities, that leaves $300 for gas, food, car, insurance, clothing etc etc each month. Which means that person is walking a tight rope financially when it comes down to just getting by each month. So that $200/month that you would get from child support becomes quite necessary, if anything should happen like car repairs etc etc etc. Basicall you get one parent arguing that they need it to survive and support the child, while you have the other parent arguing that they are just supporting the spouse that they are no longer married to.
Ideally, yea it should be forget the child support and one parent keeps them for 1/2 the year and the other gets them the rest of the time. Problem with that is you get too many that want to use their children as weapons in the on going fight between ex spouses. And in the “His/Her place isn’t safe enough for my child” arguement and it becomes a huge convulted mess.
Problem really isn’t with child support, it lies more with how we raise our children. If we didn’t fill little girls heads with all these silly romantic notions and fairy tales, and instead really prepared them for the real world a lot of things that are wrong in our society wouldn’t happen.
Face it, if we taught little girls that hey they need to go out and build a career. Then taught them how relationships really work, and get them to understand that these fairy tales don’t exist, and that relationships are a lot of hard work, and get them to understand that rushing into a marriage and having children isn’t a great idea, until they are absolutely sure the guy they are with is stable and that they actually have been with the guys long enough to know for sure who they are marrying. In fact given todays society, i’d say there should be laws in place prohibiting child birth before the age of 25 (just stick those 5 yr birth control things in girls starting at like age 13).
Then maybe just maybe they would go to college, build a career with which they can easily provide for themselves without a man. Then find a man and get to really know him well enough to get married and have chldren with him. Then perhaps there would be no where near as many divorces, and if it did happen they would be able to support themselves and their children without having to depend on child support.
June 28th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
the fuss? i always wondered why people reproduced with people who couldn’t afford to have kids.
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
I have a Bias opinion because my ex hasn’t paid one dime in three years and only 30.0 the year before…See the picture. I am low income and child support doesn’t mean 200.00 jeans here it means chicken mixed with tators and gravy or maybe ground beef standing alone. That is why the big deal. Child support is post to be half of the child’s expensive…a month. I could really provide well for my son if i had that. LOL
But every time i push the buttons the only one that gets paid is a lawyer
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
You have mixed opinions yourself, apparently. It is not always possible or intelligent for parents to share custody of their children in the case of a divorce. Domestic violence, one parent moving out of state, risk of kidnapping are all reasons that it wouldn’t be advisable for children to be with both parents. What the custodial parent does with the money is their business and unfortunately not everyone realizes that this money is for their children’s care not to buy expensive clothes that they don’t need.
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
I don’t think they have a problem with child support. They have a problem that they have no control as to what the money is spent on.
When I was divorced, my ex was always dressed to the nines when I went to pick up my daughter. She was talking about sailing and golf lessons. My daughter was dress in in what I called resale store clothes. I would always buy her a new outfit when she was with me. It went home with her, and I never saw it again. Finally, at the age of 4, my daughter asked me not to send the clothes home with her, to keep them at my home.
THAT’S why folks object to child support………
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
well i guess if the court forced you and hopped all up in your check each pay period you would understand right. I swear some of the questions.
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
I believe the fuss comes from where the money is being spent.
You know you need to support the kids and usually have no problem in doing so. You realize they need shoes, clothes, food. However, it gets tricky when some who pick the kids up for the weekend, and their clothes are too small, the shoes are falling apart, and the custodial parent has a new car or some other indulgence, and the kids needs are not being met to the level you would expect them too. Then that is where the problems begin. Not that everyone is like this, but I think that is a fear of the child support paying person, is that there is no guarantee that their hard earned $$$ are going to the needs of the kids.
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
Child support helped my sister, mother and I live above poverty, even though it was a small amount, it helped.
150$ might not pay the water bill, but it’s not supposed to cover the water bill. If a mother with custody chose to live beyond her means because she figues child support will help her, she will pay dearly for it (ie., the margin of cushioning between bills, rent, food, clothes, etc., will be so small she will have nothing left, and if she will have little for emergency, or play, and be stressed out all the time)
I think the way we work child support is fine the way it is right now, however if an individual wants to have it lowered, lets say because they buy the majority of the child’s clothes or other necessities, not because they are sending their child to camp in the summer though, they should be able to take their receipts and go to court and say “look what I do for my child, I am supporting them in my own way and I don’t need to send my ex-spouse so much money because I am”.
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
In a sense I agree -both parents should be responsible for the children they produce. I disagree with the statement that women get pregnant for the child support. Women get pregnant, sometimes its a mistake sometimes, they are trying to get someone to commit to them, sometimes they are in love or think they are. In any case both parties should be equally responsible whenever possible.Many more people should try to live within their means but I don’t think most people realize that they are not entitled to things that they don’t earn-which is why our country is such a train wreck right now.
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Child support orders will not be changed by our opinion alone. We need everyone to dispute this to the courts and have it passed. However, I agree with you about the payments. I do believe that higher payments should be given to the parent who is solely supporting and raising the child. This is a full-time job plus the parent must also work.
However, the court also finds that the other parent must work and support himself/herself too. It isn’t fair.
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
The big fuss over child support is based on some legalities in which there is a formula to extract child support from an ex spouse. Unfortunately that formula stays fixed even in light of the low income generated by the ex. Again, the higher his income the greater amount of child support is extracted. It’s truly sad that sometimes couples break up and children have to suffer and are left in the custody of the lesser income parent who is often forced to scrimp around for bargain clothes and better clearance items.
Good luck!
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
My opinon? If more people would MARRY and then wait 5 years before having kids, there’d be less fuss over child support. Why? Because these couples would have divorced before having kids.
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
The make a big deal about it because money always brings out the worst in people
If 200 is 25 % of your husband’s income then you guys could not afford to have had children- and once you did- you certainly could not afford to divorce-so it seems that there are way too many bad decisions going on in your life
As for your split custody-that is one of the worst ways to raise kids-and is just another situation where money is deciding whether than what is best for kids
People so understand the basics of life-and I seriously doubt that anyone in the 800 per month income bracket is buying 200 dollar jeans-
And it is almost never cheaper to buy than rent
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
I get what you’re saying on some level but I think it’s a little extreme. I don’t have kids but my husband has a teenager daughter that he pays support for. When a child is used to a certain lifestyle (especially in their teens) you can’t just turn them into a welfare kid overnight with hand me downs. We all understand the basics of survival. Clothing, shoes, food, electricity, water. That’s not how everyone lives though. I pay $200 & more for every pair of jeans I buy but that’s me, so I’m an idiot, who cares? Not everyone has to be struggling to pay their gas bill to be considered a hard worker or supporter. In fact, I feel bad for his ex & I think he should be paying her MORE.
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
Well, if for some reason my hubby and I split, I would definitely care about child support for our kids. Let’s go with the 25%; I would be able to pay my electric, water, phone, rent, food and clothes with that quarter, so IDK I guess it’s important to me.
I don’t know how you live off your husband’s income now only making less than $1000/month. I hope you guys make it through okay. It’s tough with kids.
I would feel sorry for any child who was bustled around in custody the way you are proposing. 6 months here and 6 months there? Do you know how traumatic that would be? All of them were really…running back and forth every week. Children need a STABLE home. Not have them not knowing where they’re going to be.
And what if mom and dad live in different school districts or a distance apart. The children are supposed to also go from one school to another every week or ever 6 months even? And what about their friends; I suppose they should have 2 sets of friends as well that each only see them half time and they come then leave so no TRUE connections can be met?
I won’t even get into holidays. You never even mentioned that.
As far as buying $200 pair of jeans vs jeans at Wal-mart, I guess I would find maybe a Macy’s of JCPenny’s instead. If my kid wanted to $200, he would have to buy that himself.
You are right though, you do need to live within your means. There are too many people with too much debt! If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it!
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
First of all, people should learn to “parent” TOGETHER!
Child support is NOT tax deductible for the one paying it. It’s NOT taxable for the one receiving it. So, us guys are busting our butts to pay for a kid, that we DON’T get to claim on OUR taxes!! Recipient, You get to use money you never earned!
“Why can’t we all just get along?”
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
I don't think children under 13 really change the cost of basic utilities and I feel any adult should be able to pay their bills whether there are children involved or not. I think support should be to cover children's food, daycare, extracurricular activities, clothing, medical, and possibly gas for transport. Mainly things that are directly related to the child. Not bills that are acquired by the parents. If you want to live in a nice place or have nice things you need to be able to afford them, not rely on someone else to help you pay for them.
On one hand not all parents want joint custody, where the child is bouncing back and forth between homes while others honestly can't handle that much single responsibility and others don't deserve it. In most cases parents don't even live in the same town so doing that kind of custody for any child of school age would be a tremendous 'hassle' for the out of town parent (which in the perfect world parents would do whatever it takes, but we can't all afford the luxury).
I can't say I've ever heard of custody papers stating that a parent is to pay obscene amounts of money for single items of clothing (though I'm guessing this is just an example).
I would love getting $200 a month to help support my daughter.
To the poster above me. My bf's ex can claim their son on taxes every other year, if she keeps her support up to date (she is the ncp). I don't figure she will ever do it since she has yet to pay support and we don't even know the last time she filed taxes.
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
I kept thinking one thing while reading your post, you forgot the most expensive part of child-rearing as a single parent:
child-care while you are at work
day-care centers are not cheap, and I feel that the cost of day care should be factored into the child-support
this obviously doesn't apply to those whose children are old enough to stay home alone, or those few whom are lucky enough to have a grandparent or aunt/uncle in the area whose willing to help with babysitting
but for those who are truely single parents, making it on their own, child support means alot towards the cost of day-care
and having an ex-spouse who doesn't pay can really be a set-back
I also was thinking, you meantioned joint custody, regardless
…what about the parents who don't want custody of their children? (sad however I've known many parents who end up not wanting their kids after the divorce) Or parents who are emotionally or phyiscally incapable of taking care of their children? (due to disability or mental instability)
In an ideal world, your thoughts would be true
but lets face it, people who shouldn't have kids end up reproducing anyway
*edit*
I do agree with you on the clothing thing though
I don't understand how anyone could pay that much for pants!
$200 could buy me at least three sets of tops and pants even at a department store, more if I went somewhere like Walmart
*2nd edit*
I'm sorry for the way your mother put a bad taste in your mouth for the subject of child support
my parents divorced almost 25 years ago, and when they divorced my mother gave me to my father to live, saying that she would visit me on the weekends
for 15 years, she had joint custody and was supposed to be paying child support
for 15 years I have never once seen her and she has never once paid on the child support she owed
my father struggled working over-time to provide a good life for me
and now, we still don't know where she is
as an adult, I've even hired PI's to find her but its almost as if she disappeared from the face of the earth
its odd to think that all those years, she had joint custody of me, she could have come back at any time and demanded visitation
but alas, she never came back
she hasn't even used her social security number since the divorce so who knows, maybe she's dead
References :
June 28th, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Try to raise a child on just twenty five dollars a month! That’s all my wife was getting from her ex. when I met her. She even tried to get more but the courts would not raise it.
Child support should not calculate rent/mortgage payments, water or electric. If you leave your husband with or without kids you still have those costs. It should calculate food, clothes, school and daycare if needed. If you find out the amount your getting for child support then don’t be afraid to go to court and ask for more.
References :
June 29th, 2009 at 12:06 am
My mom struggled to support two kids after my dad left. He owes her close to $30000. That $200 makes a big difference over time.
It makes a big difference if you’re struggling.
Switching every 6 months or even every two weeks create instability. Think about the kids, they need stability and not to be uprooted because the parents can’t work their problems out.
References :
June 29th, 2009 at 12:49 am
Most the time when i see a child suport question here on answers the problem actually stems from the person that has custody of the child being unable to support themselves even if they didn’t have the child. Child support has become the means by which they support themselves not just the child.
Just think about it if your making $10/hr and working 40 hrs a week that means after taxes and such it comes to about $1100/month take home. Most 2 bedroom apartments these days are going from $500-$750/month (that’s assuming a half way decent area to live in), figure between gas and electric and cable $300 month.. So let’s say $800/month just for rent and utilities, that leaves $300 for gas, food, car, insurance, clothing etc etc each month. Which means that person is walking a tight rope financially when it comes down to just getting by each month. So that $200/month that you would get from child support becomes quite necessary, if anything should happen like car repairs etc etc etc. Basicall you get one parent arguing that they need it to survive and support the child, while you have the other parent arguing that they are just supporting the spouse that they are no longer married to.
Ideally, yea it should be forget the child support and one parent keeps them for 1/2 the year and the other gets them the rest of the time. Problem with that is you get too many that want to use their children as weapons in the on going fight between ex spouses. And in the “His/Her place isn’t safe enough for my child” arguement and it becomes a huge convulted mess.
Problem really isn’t with child support, it lies more with how we raise our children. If we didn’t fill little girls heads with all these silly romantic notions and fairy tales, and instead really prepared them for the real world a lot of things that are wrong in our society wouldn’t happen.
Face it, if we taught little girls that hey they need to go out and build a career. Then taught them how relationships really work, and get them to understand that these fairy tales don’t exist, and that relationships are a lot of hard work, and get them to understand that rushing into a marriage and having children isn’t a great idea, until they are absolutely sure the guy they are with is stable and that they actually have been with the guys long enough to know for sure who they are marrying. In fact given todays society, i’d say there should be laws in place prohibiting child birth before the age of 25 (just stick those 5 yr birth control things in girls starting at like age 13).
Then maybe just maybe they would go to college, build a career with which they can easily provide for themselves without a man. Then find a man and get to really know him well enough to get married and have chldren with him. Then perhaps there would be no where near as many divorces, and if it did happen they would be able to support themselves and their children without having to depend on child support.
References :
June 29th, 2009 at 1:27 am
Most divorces involving children are plagued with problems not the least of which are custody and child support. Often the non custodial parent does not understand why he or she has to pay child support. They get it mixed up with alimony. They do not understand that they have a responsibility to still help provide housing, food, clothing, education, health care (including insurance), transportation, recreation and other living expenses for their child.
The calculation of child support in most states does take into account:
1. Each parent’s monthly income
2. The non custodial parent’s ability to pay
3. Health Issuance cost and which parent is paying it.
4. The standard of living to which the child was accustomed.
I was divorced in Kentucky. My own attorney took our financial information, looked in a book that had a bunch of tables in it and told me exactly how much I would have to pay.
It really sucks that if you get divorce you will only receive $150-200 a month.
References :
June 29th, 2009 at 1:55 am
Actually, Bird Nest custody would be better.
It’s a form of access or custody where the children stay in the former family residence and it is the parents who rotate in and out separately and on a negotiated schedule.
The children simply live at “home” and the separated or divorced parents take turns living with them there, but never at the same time.
The core element of this arrangement is that each parent maintains a separate residence where they live when it is not their turn at the “bird’s nest”. When one parent arrives for his/her designated time, the other vacates right away, so as to minimize or eliminate the presence of both at the same time.
At times, bird’s nest access can be coupled with specified access with the other parent say, for example, for dinner one night a week.
Sometimes, this form of access or custody will end when the youngest child reaches the age of majority at which time, one parent either buys the other out of their interest, if any, in the former family residence, or it is sold and the proceeds divided pursuant to the matrimonial property regime or separation agreement.
The arrangement can be expensive as it generally requires that three separate residences be maintained, the “nest” and a separate residence for each parent.
The concept is somewhat novel and appears to have as its origin a Virginia case Lamont v Lamont.
In Canada, Greenough v Greenough was a ground-breaker case in that the Court implemented a bird’s nest custody order even though it had not been asked for by either party. Justice Quinn, in Greenough stated:
“In Lamont … the court made a bird’s nest custody arrangement in which the children (aged 3 and 5 years) remained in the home, with the mother staying in the home during the week and the father on the weekend. I think that the benefits of a bird’s nest order are best achieved where the children are able to stay in the matrimonial home, particularly if it has been the only residence that they have known….
“Time and time again I have seen cases (and this is one) where the children are being treated as Frisbees. In general, parents do not seem to appreciate the gross disruption to which children are subjected where one of the parents has frequent access. In this regard, I do not believe there must be evidence that the children are suffering before the court is free to act. To me, it is a matter of common sense. At the risk of falling prey to simplistic generalities, I am of the view that, given a choice, I do not see why anyone would select a living arrangement which involved so much movement from house to house.”
The biggest hurdle is finding an attorney who works for you and not to just drain your wallet.
References :